The Crosby, Stills and Nash song, "Wasted on the Way," has been going through my head a lot lately.
I know that the older I get the more feelings of regret fill my heart. Not necessarily the things that I have done but more the things I should have done. Sins of commission are sins and once forgiven I try to forget them but sins of omission are another thing. "So much love to make up everywhere you turn. Love we have wasted on the way." Those are the biggies. This past Valentine's day my youngest brother lost his wife to an 8 year battle with cancer. That incident, though I wasn't there to witness it, has left a huge hole in my heart. I did not know Jennette that well and still I feel I knew her. She was good. Good in a way I always thought I could never be and yet I wonder if I had gotten to know her better would I have become good?
There are other things that are beginning to make these lyrics so significant that would fill pages and pages unto a thick volume. So many changes in the past year that are difficult to wrap the mind around let alone the heart.
My son and daughter-in-law are going to be parents for a third time this summer. Sharing the wonder of Kim's burgeoning pregnancy with Annie and Kaycie fills me with such love and wonder myself. Though I had 7 pregnancies of my own seeing this through these young eyes makes all things new again.
Being witness to my daughter's life adventures is another thing that fills me. A change of career, moving from her lifetime home, and her daily appreciation for her siblings, nieces, and nephews have only enhanced her maturity and love for life.
I am continually inspired by her generosity towards other, patience in the face of frustration, and steadfastness make me strive to be the same.
Though my heart aches to hold these grand-babies, enjoying the privilege of their lives and smiles fills me in ways I cannot describe. I rejoice each day in the wonder of technology that lets us share over the miles.
The mother-hearts that beat in my daughters-in-law, Maryanne and Kathleen, is continually evidenced to me by their sharing of the daily joys and wonders of Edmund's and Evie's exploration of the world around them. Only a mother's heart knows.
Growing and changing, that's what this world is all about.
This grandma treasures every smile, tear, squeal, and new word that shows how blessed we are to share the lives of these little ones.
|New lives being added to this family, that is what faith and hope are all about.|
Daddies who love God, count their blessings, and trust in Him who showers them all upon us are the kind who inspire the same in their children. Being silly doesn't hurt either.
The writings of this son are another blessing in my life that gives me inspiration and a sense of wonder. In the heart of a mother her children never really grow up and so I am continually amazed that this little boy is so brilliant.
Creation becomes new and wonderful when it is seen all over again through the eyes of these little ones.
This little boy, who I love in a most special way, who made me a grandma has cast me onto this journey and I will always thank him for that blessing. God is good, too good really for us mere mortals. He doesn't have to bless us, he does because of love.
Enough randomness and disjointed thoughts. Blessings are to be counted, appreciated, and then cast onto those who surround us. They aren't meant to be kept or hoarded. Like smoke they disappear in a wisp if we try to hold onto them. But, like smoke, they spread out and cover all they touch if we let them go.