The struggle is real. The thought of Thanksgiving dinner, the way we have always done it, makes me panic. My heart literally squeezes in my chest and a panic attack looms on the horizon. If I stay busy, manically busy, I don’t have to think about it and the pain recedes.
I know my family loves me and no one could be more thankful for them than I. But, like Sunday dinner and bedtime, there is a Papa sized gap in my world. There are habits that take over, patterns of thought, and overwhelming emotions that rule such things as holidays, family get togethers, and all the love that goes into their preparation execution. I can’t even coherently express my thoughts about this, there are no words.
This year I will count my blessings and give thanks by myself. I will avoid turkey and all that goes with it so that the Papa sized void is just a bit smaller. No pity party just no party here at all.
1 comment:
Hi Ann, I've missed these posts,I wasn't notified for some reason.
I'm going to just hang out here with you for a while just reading and being with you dear friend. I'm deeply touched by what I've read so far...
You're in my daily prayers.
Life is so crazy. One minute we're homeschool mommies and then moms...Then we're the Mimi. Your husband, I remember was always such a sweet and thoughtful person from what you used to describe and still do...Oh I know it all must be just so painful, I can't imagine. You have a strong faith and that will bring you through but it's not easy, no, not at all.
Well, it's late, just wanted to let you know I'm hanging out here for a while reading...and praying, I'll be reading more tomorrow...
Love, Amelia
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