Outside my window—it is raining cats and dogs. However it doesn’t seem so bad here is the south. After three days of warmth and sunshine a rainy day is not so hard to take.
What I am hearing—Teddy is talking to himself and playing with his toys. Kaycie is doing her math while Nate just got busy emptying the dishwasher. All these sounds of home and family are soothing and distracting at the same time. The utter silence and purposelessness of the past few months hurt my heart and made me wonder why I was even still on this earth.
What I am wearing—as per usual on a Monday morning I am still in my jammies. If I tell you what I intend to wear today it might be more interesting. I will be wearing a denim skirt, a blue tee shirt, and a sweater. Today’s highs are supposed to be in the 50’s!!!!!
What I am thinking—that family is the key to everything in life. Being alone, for brief periods of time, is ok but the noise and chaos of family gives the mind and heart the time they need to process the hurt and missing.
What I am learning—how to descale the Keurig, convert feet to inches, and how to be a silly little boy.
What I am hoping—so much. I’d like to be able to think about my husband without being caught when I find him around every corner. I’d like to be able to cry without guilt because I still can’t process that he is gone. I’d like to go through a day without wondering why I feel this heaviness only to stumble upon him in some place where we used to go together.
What I am working on—I started a new baby blanket with cables in the pattern. No new baby’s expected in this family but my hands need to be busy. I have always had to have my hands busy in order to process what is going on in my mind. I think that I am up to the challenge of learning a new skill while at the same time freeing up my mind to think.
What I am planning—not a lot. I find that plans are not something that I can work my mind around. A few times in these past months I have made commitments to visit others only to discover my heart clenching when it came time to carry these plans out.
Here are some picture thoughts for today—
2 comments:
Safe and sound.
Thank the Lord you arrived safely and are in a good, safe place. Little angels abound there from the looks of it...I remember laying in bed and hearing my girls in the kitchen when they were little doing little chores or making cookies. Such a comforting feeling.
Your outfit for the day sounds great, I would have to wear leggings under that skirt, I hate cold legs. ; )
Praying for you, love, Amelia
I just found your blog, and want to say how sorry I am about your husband. I also live in central NY, north of Weedsport, west of Syracuse, out in the country. (When people hear NY, they think "city"!). I had to laugh about you backing your 15 passenger van out, we have 16 kids and when they all lived at home, we also had one of those.
It's so good you have so much help with your move, and best of luck in Tennessee!
P.S. I don't care for the rulings of King Cuomo either.
Della
Post a Comment