Doug and I have been here for two weeks now and it has not only been an adventure but also a time of revelation.
Doug, my mom, and I are sitting here watching Driving Miss Daisy and it struck me that this movie is a metaphor for my life right now. As the deterioration of the main character's mind progresses I cannot help but compare her to my mother's deterioration. In the past two weeks I have watched her cease to know who I am. There is a spark in her eyes that tells me somewhere deep inside she understands that she is supposed to be close to me but that is as far as it goes this past couple of days.
Over these two weeks my mind and heart have turned down a road of transformation that I knew was coming but my personal map told me it was miles off yet. This week my mother has become the child and is, by her actions, asking me to become the mother. Everything that she must do she seems to need my approval for rather than the other way around. Instead of giving me direction and example it is up to me to guide and care for her.
The pain around my heart is no longer one of worry and concern but grief and mourning. It will take some time but my mother is going away. Gradually she is fading and slipping away. The childhood of old age is claiming her day by day. She has abandoned the concerns of motherhood for the carefree imaginings of a return to her girlhood.
Now it is up to me to tuck the memories of mother and become for her all the comfort that she will need until the end.