It's June

It's June, a month that is both happy and sad, so profoundly sad for me.  If I were to lose all of my mental faculties tomorrow I think that June would still come around and floor me with it's sadness.

Nine years ago today I walked into the room where our dear little Rosemary was napping and found that she had been taken from us and was now napping forever in the arms of The Lord.  Many of the details of that day are a blur to me but the gut wrenching fear, sadness and anger are still as strong and real today as they were that day.  

Tomorrow will be the 21st birthday of our dear little Rebekah, a happy thought to be sure but when it is coupled with the knowledge that Thursday we commemorate the 21st anniversary of her entrance into heaven, some of that happiness dims.

For years June would cripple me.  I could not seem to get away from the fact that I had lost two children in this month.  It was not a choice to be sad, believe me when I say that I was often manic in my efforts to be too busy to think.  The sorrow seemed to be ground into my skin so that my very flesh gave off the odor of it.  Planned activities, gardens to be planted, farm work, you name it I did it all to get away from the dirty ooze of sorrow that worked its way out of my pores.  I just couldn't escape it.

Then God gave a gift so profound there is no describing the healing power of it.  This little girl was born on the very day that I despised in June, the anniversary of her Aunt Rebekah's death.  The sun came out with her birth.  In the years since her smile, sweet voice, and winning ways have begun to work their way into my soul.  There is no way that sorrow can live where Savannah is.  She says "Hi grandma" and the filth of sadness flees from my body and joy invades.  Perspective comes along with her chirpy voice and I see that God didn't take my daughter from me, he took his child home and in her place he loaned me Savannah to teach me his ways.