This post is going to be disjointed, incoherent, and meandering. So if you can't get through and wish to skip it do so, I'll never know.

Memories have been on my mind a lot lately. Today, with the passing of a friend, there is fear mixed in with those memories. I have finally come to the conclusion that a major part of the reason that I dislike change so much is because what it is doing to my memories.

When I drive through the streets of this area that I have lived in nearly all my life there are days when the changes are so profound that there is a clutching around my heart as I try to remember what used to be.  After all aren't memories made mostly of scenes from the past and the happy feelings that those scenes evoke.  Yet those scenes are being removed from my world and those who peopled them are being taken as well. 

There is, however, a deep consolation and a profound feeling of gain as well when I think of those who have gone from this life.  The lessons learned and the love given and received are both with me and always will be no matter who has passed or what buildings have been razed.

This friend who has passed never knew what gifts he gave to me in the time that I knew him. (mores the pity and what a selfish friend I was in return)  He taught me that I am me and there is no need or reason to be anyone else.  He showed me that we all have faults, it is how we fight them that matters.  He lived a deep and lively faith in God and loyalty to The Church of Christ and a deep and loving devotion to The Blessed Mother.  Most importantly he taught that family is all and it is through them that you hand on the lessons of life lived and faith grown and nothing else really matters. 

So here I sit with both pain and joy in my heart and a fervent prayer in my mind.  Eternal rest grant unto him, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon him. May his soul and the souls of all the faithful departed rest in peace.

It's my favorite time of year.

Fall is my favorite time of year, although not for the same reasons that others have. In the fall when temperatures start to fall I get to bring out some of my favorite gadgets.

When the kids were little, back on the farm, during the homeschooling years I used to have little competitions with myself when it came to making meals.  Every day I challenged myself to create a meal that could be cooked without the use of my stove.  The more crock pots the better was my policy. Now, though the savings in electricity and time are not as crucial as they used to be, but the challenge is still something that I like to engage in.

Yesterday the crock cooked our chicken while I got other things done.

The instapot cooked three batches of winter squash so I could get it all canned and put away for winter.

Whenever the sun shines, though, I tend to abandon the dryer and hang the laundry on the line. In 36 years of marriage the smell of lined dried sheets is the only thing my husband ever notices.  

I recently acquired this little gem and man what a time saver! Oh Squeezo where were you all my life.

I cooked down 4 lbs. of cranberries and managed to squeeze them dry until I was left with less than 2 cups of seeds and skins.  Come Thanksgiving day my husband is going to enjoy all that jelled cranberry sauce on his turkey sandwiches.

Did I mention that the pressure canned is another favorite?  Right now chicken drumsticks and thighs are .77/lb so there is going to be a lot of chicken and chicken broth being processed in this little beauty. 
The point of all this ease?  Come winter, when the winds howl and the snow flies, I will be opening jars of the bounty from summer and fall to prepare meals.  While my good soups and stews cook in the crock pot I will be at the sewing machine creating some lovelies for the little people in my life.

So much life going on.

Last week my youngest brother blessed us with a visit. He came to Upstate New York, the place of his birth, to promote his new book, Tabouli.  You can read all about it and order a copy on this link.

https://www.mattpelicano.com/

Of course the end result of a family get together is always filled with music,

 and games. They look serious but it is all fun and games until someone wins the whole pot.

No time spent in this family would be right with out the liberal addition of children.

This little boy may look tired but he's really concentrating on learning to play Texas Hold 'Em.

Did I mention that there was beer?

And more music.

You cannot have a famous author in the house without doing an impromptu reading. (That's my brother with the charter members of his fan club.)

Nate is ready to be dealt a hand and given a pile of chips.

Even the four-legged family members enjoyed being read to.

But the real reason for the visit was for Matt to visit our local schools, both high and elementary, and a couple of public libraries to talk about Tabouli and introduce youngsters to the world of literature, ideas, and finding what makes them passionate.

Getting it done.

I like gadgets, a whole lot! I especially like kitchen gadgets that help me get things done and onto something else quickly.  

Every fall we take the time to make applesauce, a lot of applesauce! It is the cheapest and easiest thing to make.  Nothing gives me more satisfaction than a full pantry when it starts to get cold outside.  Having jars of applesauce filling up the shelves lets me know that there is a ready snack when the kids visit, a healthy alternative to oil when I am baking, and a soothing treat when there are sore throats and tummy aches in the house.  

Last summer I discovered this peeler that goes on my kitchen aid and it has been a life saver. My husband likes his applesauce chunky but that requires a lot of peeling to get it done. Though I have a hand-crank peeler it still took almost as much time and effort as peeling by hand always required.  With the attachment for the mixer I was able to peel a bushel of apples in about an hour on Saturday.  

This year I replaced my hand crank food mill with this wonderful multi-tasker, The Squeezo!  This came with different screens so I can now process berries, grapes, apples, and squash all with the same tool.  Today I sent 1.5 bushels of apples through in less than an hour and came out with about 6 cups of very dry mash. 
Now if there was only a faster way to process all that applesauce in less time that would be great. Actually the canning process is something that I have always liked doing.  Seven quarts at a time in the boiling water bath at 20min. a batch should get me done before hubby gets home from work.

God knows...

It's a good thing to remember and to contemplate the fact that, God knows. Even if you think you know, or that He doesn't know, you're wrong. God knows.

The point of our lives here on earth is to attain to salvation. It is really all that matters and thus every thought, word, and deed should be aimed to that end.  I can personally and honestly say that like others I struggle in that department of my life.  No one really wants to step out of their comfort zone although that zone is not where the most salvific changes occur on a day to day basis.  God knows! He knows we need to extend ourselves and he knows the best way for that to happen.

He knows, for instance, that my greatest comfort lies in my home. Even with family coming into my space it is usually done on my terms. I selfishly tend to be quite protective of my home, my time, and my talents.  God knows!  Usually things or happenings that shake up my routine or cause me to have to unexpectedly encounter people and places that I haven't sufficiently prepared for not only makes me step out of my comfort zone but usually thrusts me out bodily.  

That being said, as long as the crisis hasn't anything to do with me, per se, I can usually recover and swing into action mode. My way of dealing with most crises is to clean, cook, bake, and care for those around me, be they family or strangers.  But, see that isn't what is going to stretch me the most, God knows.

A case in point, MK had to have what was going to be a minor surgery last week that turned into a somewhat major surgery and an overnight stay as the hospital. Once the facts had sunk in I quickly shifted into coping mode. The "sick room" was set up, delectable and tempting food were thought of, and life proceeded the way it should when there is a convalescent in the house.  Crisis handled, I was good to go.  But, I forgot that God knows.

Here is where the lesson comes in. Today I went to see the dr. about what I thought was a minor inconvenience and would be an in and out and done visit. But, you see, God knows.  This supposed in and done thing is calling for a day long prep and a colonoscopy tomorrow (must be potentially serious since I don't even have to wait weeks for this test).  This is where the real issue lies for me. Where I have not only been moved out of my comfort zone but that zone has been shifted out of my reach; this inconvenience involves me.  I cannot control the situation, no amount of cleaning or cooking is going to change the fact that I am the one who needs help, must submit to the care of others, and most of all, I might have to be humbled.  So today I am praying for the grace to face this with good humor, to submit to the need to be cared for, and most of all to offer all frustrations and inconveniences back to He who hung on a cross so that I could spend eternity in his company. 

Warmth

I've heard it said that firewood warms you multiple times, even before you put it in the fire.  I can say with a great deal of experience under my belt that it is in fact a truth.

I doubt, however, that the originator of that saying didn't take into account the warming of the heart cockles.  My husband and I, during out our 30 some years together on the farm, have cut, stacked, and burned a lot of firewood.

In that time not only has all that cellulose warmed our feet but, I for one, have had my heart warmed as well.  Being the viewer and beneficiary of all that hard work and devotion to family on the part of my husband has been a privilege and a blessing.

The greatest blessing has been the time he has spent passing on the skills and love of hard work to our sons.  Many the day has been spent in friendly competition as the boys have gathered in the fuel for the coming year's fires.

Now the next generation, our grandchildren, spend Saturday afternoons with their dad, uncle, and papa talking, laughing, and in friendly competition as wood for the coming winter is cut and stacked.

The old man can still out work all of them but only, I think, because his experience is greater and his devotion to his family honed to a greater degree.

As I sit here and look at these memories of a weekend not long passed I am again warmed by the work and the love that went into every cut.

Centering

This morning while doing my chores I spent most of the time trying to center myself. I do this, it seems, every time I spend a considerable amount of time away from. This week the time was spent in the hospital with my daughter during and after her surgery. When I got home it seemed like a good time to take stock.

May there always be legos behind the furniture. Their presence under the treadle sewing machine is a sure sign that children have been here and I have spent more time loving them and less time cleaning a clean house.

May there always be fluffy dogs snoozing on the couch while keeping watch over my patient.

May the Blessed Mother always keep us wrapped in her mantle and intercede for us with her Son. Our Lady is like the arrow that keeps me pointed in the direction of prayer and salvation.

May there always be little boy sneakers sitting on my windowsill.  Those sneakers are a sure reminder that there are little boys in my world who need sticky snacks and warm hugs.

May there always be chubby pumpkins in October turning me inward and reminding me that even with the death of summer there is always the glory of autumn to lighten the heart.

Most of all my there be little people who have firsts in my world. First haircuts turn little baby faces into boy faces and remind me that there is the promise of the man lurking in his future.

Celebrating the small things

When I was a kid I remember learning about St. Terese, better known as "The Little Flower."  Her thing was to do little things with great love. As an arrogant and know it all kid I often thought of that as some kind of cop-out.  Consequently I didn't have much use for her, when I was young and an arrogant know it all.  Then I grew up and married this man.

I'm sure that his intention is not to imitate The Little Flower but he succeeds in ways that she could never manage.  This man does everything with all the love that he possesses. How blessed I am to have such a loving example beside me every day.

Then we had children and I am blessed to say they are more like their father than otherwise. What a gift to have two sons who are such friends.  They selflessly serve those around them with smiles and love.  One even blessed us with this beautiful daughter-in-law and grands that I couldn't have dreamed would be in the future.

When I see this little boy everyday is a celebration.  It is true that babies grow on love and kisses and this guy is a fine example of that.  Starting life as a premature little mite he is hale, hearty and keeps the pantry and refrigerator in a constant state of emptiness.

Working together as a family is a celebration.  Some of my best memories revolve around the work that it takes to prepare for winter's cold.  I know if my other three sons read this they will sigh with fond memories of cutting, splitting, and stacking wood on the farm and the friendly competition that always accompanied those tasks. Already the torch is being passed to the next generation and they are learning the contentment of a job well done and time spent with those they love. 

Witnessing the grace, love and diligence with which this young woman overcomes obstacles cannot help be a cause for celebration and prayers of thanksgiving that she is a part of my life. I could not have created a better daughter, friend, and person than God did when he blessed me with MK.

Even the hard and constant work that a farm brings is cause to bring family together and celebrate the changes of season.

These boys learn the joy that their dad brings to all he does while they witness his patience in including them in even the smallest talks.

He may not understand now but this day will live with him forever.

Time spent watching this young man is a special joy for me since he is the one who made me a grandma and teaches me every day what love and joy can be found even in the changes that growing up bring.

Learning, that's what life, love, and family is all about. Even if all you learn is that the application of a child safety lock to a bike makes a cool noise, the freedom to make that discovery is worth celebration.